May the Youth Be Blessed in Courtship

Praise the Lord, July 23 marks the 38th Wedding Anniversary of C-Mo and me. Our relationship grows sweeter and closer as we age. What a divine blessing from Abba Father on marriage.

We care about marital relationships and are concerned about courtship, whether it is healthy or not. We pay great attention to our church youth’s view on courtship. As far as I know, some immature concepts of courtship were shared amongst the church youth. They were saying that there were a lot of hurdles to overcome in courtship. In order to be blessed, one must fast and pray, wait on God and obey the cell leader. It is pietism – it implies that we are blessed only when we are godly, which is strongly biased.

I was made aware that our Youth Zone had encouraged high school students to start dating either in college or after 19 years old. Somehow, this encouragement had turned into a convention or even a rule. However, it is hardly a church regulation. At best, it was a suggestion given by our youth mentors out of love. I understand where they come from, but we must be sensitive in handling this. It is more important to hold a healthy view on courtship than to start dating at a certain age. As cell leaders, mentors or preachers, we should appreciate and accept the needs of youth to date. When they do date, we are to interact with them and guide them into the right views on courtship through prayer.

Certainly, all courtship starts with feelings. However, feelings do not last a lifetime. When a dating couple genuinely loves each other, they are bound to have honest exchanges. Then it is highly likely they will have conflict which will hurt their feelings. Love is not an impulsive decision, but rather it is a mutual commitment. Otherwise, marriage will end up as the grave of love.

Next, it is about boundaries. If a dating couple is unable to stay pure in their courtship and they commit pre-marital sex; their relationship will be adversely affected. However, they are still getting along on a superficial level. As soon as their feelings for each other fade, naturally, they break up. Unavoidably, they feel guilty.

Hence, whenever a church youth asks if he can date, it is prime time for pastors to teach them the correct views on love. They should be prepared to be committed to each other, learn to deny themselves, and understand each other’s feelings. They should acknowledge that love is a determination, rather than a physical impulse.

Though we hold good Couples’ Camp, we have neither any fixed formula nor rules on courtship. It delights us greatly to see everyone blessed in courtship. Therefore, I would like to give special blessings to our youth – may you have healthy views on love under the Tree of Life, find your other half and enjoy a happy marriage.■【2021.07.25】